binge fricken eating. all i do is binge fricken eat. gah!

stupid day. was so hungover i just ate and ate and ate. im gong out for dinner tonight too. which sucks. sucky ucky sucky day

what methods or websites etc do you use to work out your calorie input and energy output? ive been looking at different websites and they all say various things for foods.... im starting to think calorie king is lying to me

which excersizes do you find work  best for you losing weight and general toning? i find running really helps. im trying to do 30-60 minutes most days. i would go on the spin bikes more often but it kinda hurts my ......... then i feel like i waddle when i get off.

theres so many skinny fricken girls at my gym which sucks sucks sucks but at the same time i watch them and try and keep up.....its hard when your carrying around so much fat like me though...everything jiggles. i can feel it when i run. i can feel it when i walk. tip toe even. jiggle jiggle jiggle. very frustrating.

i wish i was smarter
i wish i was pretier
i wish people liked me
i wish i could see that people do like me
i wish my legs were longer
i wish my shoulders were narrower
i wish my waist was smaller
i wish i was as light as air so that a breeze could just blow me away.....

fasted all day yesturday then fucked it up by eating pasta for tea with best foods mayo, and fudge. whoops!

fasted all today though....so far...and im about to go to the gym, thats got to count for something!

i just took my measurements. hideous but here goes...and sorry they are in kg/cm not pounds/inches...il convert later

weight 56.9kg
thigh. 51cm
upper arm. 23.5
chest. 83
waist. 69
hip. 87

YUCK

so ive been on holiday for several weeks.

no excersize.
no internet support.
no scales.
and FULL TIME binging.

im heavier at the moment then my natural weight. go figure.

so back to square one!

i need to do this. i need to be in good shape and looking fit. i want people to compliment me. i want people to look at me and what to be my size. i want to feel pretty, sexy and wanted. i dont want to be fat anymore.

Today i decided i was sick of feeling fat and revolting and i got off my lazy ass and went for a run. i have blisters but it was worth it.

STATS
Height: 5'7"   (170cm)
Highest weight: 132 (60kg)
Lowest Weight: 114 (52kg)
Current weight: 127 (58kg)

Goal 1: 123 (56kg)
Goal 2: 119 (54kg)
Goal 3: 114 (52kg)


i wish i owned scales to keep better track of everything